There should be a cookbook on cooking for children which doesn’t lie. The ones I’ve seen would all be sending the needle leaping all over the place on a polygraph machine. They don’t even make much of an effort at it. Right there, in the contents pages, you see some glaringly blatant untruths. A section on vegetables? Three balanced meals a day? All the food groups represented? Cheap and easy recipes? The biggest lie of all is that food wearing a fake moustache and a clown wig will be eaten.
Disguising food does not work. This simple test proves it: Chop up mushrooms or onions (or both), whichever is the most offensive. Mince them so finely that you need a magnifying glass to see individual parts. Add to pasta/stew/pot of food. Serve, and watch your little CSI team perform forensic tests. Watch them search for trace elements, and remove every speck of onion or mushroom from the food. If, and that’s a big if, you can get them to eat anything else on the plate, you’ll end up with a pile of chopped veg which looks like caterpillar puke.
No, the cookbook should say: Cooking with Broccoli and chocolate chips- an honest guide to feeding children.
With Neen away, I’m going a bit mad trying to feed the children. I do cook when she isn’t away; it’s just harder at the moment. I look at the food in the freezer and cupboards; Whaddya want, I say. Do you like …. This… that?
The only consensus is that they like chocolate and broccoli. We have to have three different kinds of breakfast cereal. I’ll make something- one of the children will be all ‘Aaaah Dad! That was lovely! Can we have that every day?’, and the other two will be staring dolefully into their untouched plates, and if I ask them to eat will make tiny gagging noises.
Every day I attempt to give them different things on sandwiches, and also put other stuff in the lunchboxes, and still not one day passes without one of the children not liking something. One day they LOVE plums, the next, they HATE them. Very passionate about food they are, but the passion is mostly vilification.
So tonight, we are having Broccoli a la Scott- with an amusing chocolate sauce.
For breakfast tomorrow- A reduction of broccoli on chocolate toast. I think they’ll soon start to like other foods again…
PLEASE NOTE: AFTER PUBLISHING THIS, I DISCOVERED A HOST OF BROCCOLI AND CHOCOLATE-RELATED INFORMATION ON THE INTERNET, INCLUDING RECIPES, SONGS AND VARIOUS OTHER THINGS TOO FRIGHTENING TO CONTEMPLATE. GOOD GRIEF. PEOPLE ARE SICK. NO PLAGIARISM WAS INTENDED. HERE'S ONE RECIPE:
Disguising food does not work. This simple test proves it: Chop up mushrooms or onions (or both), whichever is the most offensive. Mince them so finely that you need a magnifying glass to see individual parts. Add to pasta/stew/pot of food. Serve, and watch your little CSI team perform forensic tests. Watch them search for trace elements, and remove every speck of onion or mushroom from the food. If, and that’s a big if, you can get them to eat anything else on the plate, you’ll end up with a pile of chopped veg which looks like caterpillar puke.
No, the cookbook should say: Cooking with Broccoli and chocolate chips- an honest guide to feeding children.
With Neen away, I’m going a bit mad trying to feed the children. I do cook when she isn’t away; it’s just harder at the moment. I look at the food in the freezer and cupboards; Whaddya want, I say. Do you like …. This… that?
The only consensus is that they like chocolate and broccoli. We have to have three different kinds of breakfast cereal. I’ll make something- one of the children will be all ‘Aaaah Dad! That was lovely! Can we have that every day?’, and the other two will be staring dolefully into their untouched plates, and if I ask them to eat will make tiny gagging noises.
Every day I attempt to give them different things on sandwiches, and also put other stuff in the lunchboxes, and still not one day passes without one of the children not liking something. One day they LOVE plums, the next, they HATE them. Very passionate about food they are, but the passion is mostly vilification.
So tonight, we are having Broccoli a la Scott- with an amusing chocolate sauce.
For breakfast tomorrow- A reduction of broccoli on chocolate toast. I think they’ll soon start to like other foods again…
PLEASE NOTE: AFTER PUBLISHING THIS, I DISCOVERED A HOST OF BROCCOLI AND CHOCOLATE-RELATED INFORMATION ON THE INTERNET, INCLUDING RECIPES, SONGS AND VARIOUS OTHER THINGS TOO FRIGHTENING TO CONTEMPLATE. GOOD GRIEF. PEOPLE ARE SICK. NO PLAGIARISM WAS INTENDED. HERE'S ONE RECIPE:
And then there of those of us dealing with a meat-and-potatoes partner and a won't-even-walk-near-the-meat-department kid. Who is also not really a vegetarian as he doesn't like veggies. And who can best be described as a Breadatarian..!
ReplyDeleteBut broccoli and chocolate? Eish!
But they are fickle- tomorrow they may love brinjals and cottage cheese- it all depends on the date you start buying stuff in bulk.
ReplyDeletehaha
breadatarian...
Oh don't get me started. I just dealt with this for last night's dinner.... again. It was so much easier to feed them when they were fetuses.
ReplyDeleteOh, whoops. That last comment was from "Abby", not eddie. My kids been hijacking the google account again. He's a picky eater too.
ReplyDeleteMwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
ReplyDeleteI was going to tell you all about fish fingers, flapjacks, two-minute-noodles with tuna mayo and sweet chilli, microwave chicken nuggets, chicken toasties and yoghurt... but it makes me look like a bad parent!!!!