Good Clean Fun With Body Fluids

Encore! Once you get stuck on a theme, it’s best to keep on at it until it’s out of your system, so out, bodily fluids, OUT!

It bugs me that some mommies absentmindedly nibble on the same cookie/biscuit that their baby has been sucking. And that when you wrinkle up your nose at it, they say things like ‘Well he lived inside me for nine months, so I don’t get grossed out by him’ as an indictment on me for not wanting to engage in a spittle-drinking contest. In fact, the ‘well I carried him for nine months’ phrase can pretty much close down any argument. I try to suggest that that’s the way we are different, biologically, but then I picture a full-term baby being pushed through my nether regions, and I no longer feel like chatting much. About anything.

But surely we can be grossed out by babies? I see a mommy biting her baby’s toes, and I think, aaaawww, until I get closer, and fall back, reeling, with the sudden realization that at a certain age, a baby’s feet smell just like adult ones… That is not cute! Slightly rancid babytoes will not make my ‘special memories list’.

As I’ve already alienated mommies, the same goes for people who kiss dogs or cats on their snouts. Dogs with hanging pendula of saliva. Cats with easily dislodged fur. The occasional reassuring pat or stroke is fine for a domestic animal, you don’t have to treat it like an over-familiar cousin…

I like: Bathroom doors with locks on. I say bathroom, but I mean toilet. I don't want to be told ‘Hannah hit me and took my dinosaur’ during a private moment. At that point, it is me and my inner being, and I. Do. Not. Care. I also don’t want to see anybody else getting reacquainted with the contents of their bellies, thanks, so could everyone please SHUT THE DOOR!

I don’t feel the need to wash my hands after meeting people, or own economy-sized bottles of disinfectant, but I have my boundaries. Boundaries are good! They keep us from marrying direct relatives and stealing the cheese clearly marked ‘mine! skullandcrossbones’ from a housemate.
I have a mouthful of spit, but I am happy that it is my spit. I don’t want to have a mouthful of somebody else’s. Except Neen’s, but that’s different, right? Sorry Neenie… I won’t go into details…

Reminds of a joke I either made up or read (Soooorrry, can’t remember). Re: Jimi Hendrix: What’s worse than choking to death on your own vomit? Choking to death on somebody else’s.
Maybe this comes from having my older brother hold me down and try to gob into my mouth when I was a kid?

The spittle-related stuff stops, right here.