He puts it WHERE?

When two people love each other very much, they kiss a lot, and when they have both decided to, they may have sex. Sex is when the man puts his penis into the woman’s vagina, and then something called sperm comes out of his penis. A woman’s body produces eggs every month, and if the sperm meets the egg, a baby can be made. A man and a woman sometimes have sex because it is fun, and it feels nice when it is with someone you love. Men and women sometimes also touch themselves on their penises or vaginas, which also feels nice, but doesn’t make babies. That’s called masturbation. It isn’t bad, but you should only do it in private. Sex should also only be in private, and only when you are old enough to look after a baby. The other thing you need to know is that sometimes bad men or women might try to make you have sex when you don’t want to, and that is wrong. You should always say no, if you don’t feel good about it. You must tell a grownup like your mom or dad, or a teacher if someone tries to make you have sex. Sex is very special, but only for for grownups who love each other. If you have sex with a girl or a woman, it can make a baby, which is a lot of hard work, and costs a lot of money to look after. The other important thing you need to know, is that having sex can also pass on sicknesses, like HIV AIDS, and other things. It is very dangerous to have sex with someone you don’t know very well. If you are careful, and you know the person, you will be able to talk about sex before you decide to do it, and you will know if it is safe or not. A man should wear a condom, which is like a rubber hat, on his penis. A condom helps to stop the woman from getting pregnant, because it catches the sperm, and it also helps to stop sicknesses from getting passed on. You know, you can always ask mom or dad about something if you aren’t sure. Sex is not a bad thing, but it can be very confusing, and that is why it is better to wait until you are old enough, and you feel ready. Any questions?

Yes. The time has come to have a chat with my oldest son (10). Despite being a father to three children, I feel totally ill-equipped to talk about sex, which remains a mystery to me even now. Anyone have any tips/edits or additions to my crude sex-talk format? Please don’t forward any pictures :-)