Pleasant middle-aged evening: We’re at the stage when we no longer get invited to weddings (the next generation is waiting in the wings to do that), and few of our friends are giving birth (except, rather publically, Tertia) but quite a few are having their marriages implode, explode or just erode.
So we spent last night with three fifths of a family we used to be incredibly close to. It was still great- he’s a lovely guy to chat to, and his children get on with ours- they’ve grown up together.
We’re in the difficult position of not wanting to appear too partisan in our friendship- we are Switzerland, in a sense, although his wife pretty much left him for reasons we completely disagree with. It’s nasty when that happens- we have to renegotiate the friendships, and try not to act as intermediaries for any personal stuff.
There are a couple of situations like that happening around us, and it is depressing to watch these families sub-dividing, becoming single-parent structures. Knowing that their finances are going pear-shaped, and that they are also going through hell personally.
Before you think I’m acting incredibly proud, Neen and I have had our share of challenges. You get married saying pointless things like “Divorce is not an option”, and picture dying simultaneously while holding hands (polite way of putting it) at the age of 95. We’ve been through some crappy times, but we are committed to making it work, so I hope we manage to navigate our way through all the pressure and stress ahead.
I can’t imagine trying to break up the jigsaw that is our marriage, figure out which of us gets to take which pieces. They are all linked, and meaningless on their own.
As it is, most of our friends are virtual- so we’d have to divide our followers and blogrolls, add bypass links and password protected posts. Seems like too much work…
Making light of it: Broken relationships are dreadful, and I salute any of you who are single parents, divorced parents, or just newly single or divorced without children. Or married, and clocking in to a marriage which is difficult to define, as it revolves around tidying, parenting and work. The grass aint greener, I’m sure.
So: If you read this blog, and you fantasize that I have a perfect marriage, or that our children are like a feel-good TV commercial- it isn’t so, but we do have a good thing. We just need reminding sometimes.
(Neen- You are a great mother to the pitbulls, and a great wife to me, despite me challenging you, all the time… xxx)
(**Photo circa 1989- 20 years under our belts, hey, Neen!)
So we spent last night with three fifths of a family we used to be incredibly close to. It was still great- he’s a lovely guy to chat to, and his children get on with ours- they’ve grown up together.
We’re in the difficult position of not wanting to appear too partisan in our friendship- we are Switzerland, in a sense, although his wife pretty much left him for reasons we completely disagree with. It’s nasty when that happens- we have to renegotiate the friendships, and try not to act as intermediaries for any personal stuff.
There are a couple of situations like that happening around us, and it is depressing to watch these families sub-dividing, becoming single-parent structures. Knowing that their finances are going pear-shaped, and that they are also going through hell personally.
Before you think I’m acting incredibly proud, Neen and I have had our share of challenges. You get married saying pointless things like “Divorce is not an option”, and picture dying simultaneously while holding hands (polite way of putting it) at the age of 95. We’ve been through some crappy times, but we are committed to making it work, so I hope we manage to navigate our way through all the pressure and stress ahead.
I can’t imagine trying to break up the jigsaw that is our marriage, figure out which of us gets to take which pieces. They are all linked, and meaningless on their own.
As it is, most of our friends are virtual- so we’d have to divide our followers and blogrolls, add bypass links and password protected posts. Seems like too much work…
Making light of it: Broken relationships are dreadful, and I salute any of you who are single parents, divorced parents, or just newly single or divorced without children. Or married, and clocking in to a marriage which is difficult to define, as it revolves around tidying, parenting and work. The grass aint greener, I’m sure.
So: If you read this blog, and you fantasize that I have a perfect marriage, or that our children are like a feel-good TV commercial- it isn’t so, but we do have a good thing. We just need reminding sometimes.
(Neen- You are a great mother to the pitbulls, and a great wife to me, despite me challenging you, all the time… xxx)
(**Photo circa 1989- 20 years under our belts, hey, Neen!)
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