Saturday, December 12, 2009

He'd sealed up the monster within the tomb!


A Treat: A Powerful Poetic Beginning:
The weapons were selected; they stood there back to back,
Marched ten tiny paces, in their suits of formal black.
They stopped and drew, the bullets flew, and both fell bleeding, dead.
The brains they hadn’t thought with splashed pinkly from their heads.
Turned out that there was only one, reflected in a glass,
And he had merely shot himself, the poor deluded arse.

Its standard police procedure (I’m assuming it is- I’m an expert on it having watched police programs from Kojak to Dexter), to ask the surviving relatives if the stiff, or the vic, had any enemies, so that they can ID the perp.

This is a useful debriefing procedure when you are interrogating yourself in the wee hours. One of you sits hunched in a chair, hollow-eyed and jonesin’ for a coffee or a smoke, while the other circles you. No good cop, bad cop, but rather just a mean lying rat-assed bastard of an inquisitor, second guessing everything you thought was true, but now have lost your bearings with. The lack of sleep and the constant revisiting of scenes of crimes, real and imagined warp the timelines and coordinates of reality. Soon you are adding to your mild wrongdoings a list of heinous activities that is almost genocidal in its documented form. The endless questioning has you longing for the stark comfort of your cell, where the fears and memories are contained and almost disarmed.

So what you need to do is ask what or who your enemies are. For some it maybe the guy at work who shamelessly takes credit for your labours but belittles you in meetings. It could be a family member with whom you refuse to share space at family events. Could be an actual enemy, who has genuinely threatened you. But don’t forget to add yourself to the list of suspects. Yup. Who knows better about how to mess with your head than you? Who can flick your buttons and twist your screws? Who knows that the worst kind of enemy is one from whom you cannot hide?

It’s not a death sentence. You can separate the fictions from the realities, and parse the evil from the good. The best defense against an inner enemy is an inner ally. It helps to surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth, and provide reinforcements of encouragement and love. Thank you for doing that.

Note: Poe did it first, in William Wilson. This occurred to me afterwards, but he does it to far better effect…

6 comments:

  1. Found this very insightful. Thanks, needed this.

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  2. @Elaine: Thanks for making me realise it isn't just me!

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  3. The fight-back. Make me proud.

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  4. @Andre: Yup- Clawing back every inch :-)

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  5. So true. Pity we can't get away from ourselves sometimes.

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  6. since the dawn of time man has been fighting his inner demons thats why he has a mate to remind him its ok and to counteract the inner turmoil with love

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