Thursday, June 11, 2009

I could write em on the back of my hand.

You've see the scene: Megalomaniacal genius watches proudly as his protege destroys the innocents. The younger looks to the elder: You taught me everything I know......
(Ok, be a nitpicker- megalomaniacs don't have proteges, blah, blah, blah)

Anyway: School had its uses (one of which was not being able to find the accent for the word 'protege' on my keyboard, but teaching me how to write it longhand), but really, I have learned so many more vital things through observing people...
  • How to tie a noose (Thanks, CubScout Movement)
  • How to roll when you hit the ground as you fall off a truck
  • How to make a bomb using swimming pool chemicals (Note: Feds, I am not publishing that, ever...)
  • How to run like the wind when said bomb goes off prematurely in neighbours garage, destroying it, and all the stock for his business.
  • How to pick the biggest bowl of pudding at one glance
  • How to fall off a plate, butter side up. Oh, wait, haven't learned that one yet...
  • How to control the urge to throttle bigoted people. (Still not mastered)
  • How to wipe off hand-clam when you meet new people without them noticing
  • How to do a zerbet (Note: this is a subtle thing- babies teeter between crying with laughter, and just crying).

I could go on, but perhaps you'd like to add some tricks of your own. Things that have helped you, that you didn't learn by putting on a uniform and flunking exams for...


  1. Yes, knowing how to tie a noose is helpful in the recession :P

  2. Hand clam - that's a new term for me. Its meaning is obvious but also, at least in my lexicon, potentially dirty when paired with the verb wipe-off.

  3. I know how to fake juggle. I can juggle two balls at once - -which convinces little kids (3 & under) that I can juggle and is an amazing trick.

    I also once knew three card tricks but I've forgotten most of them, so I have a memory of having knowledge of card tricks.

    I also like your previous post but am only doing one comment to conserve resources.

  4. Oh I know the recipe for those swimming pool chemical bombs. It comes from having an older devil-may-care old brother ;)

  5. @Syllable: Life-skills...
    @MDL: Heheh. It's a new term for me, too.
    @Briane p: All those useful things we learned as children, but have forgotten, all those bad jokes. At least you retain your bad juggling.
    @SMP: You'll be having the feds wiretapping you, too. Oops.

  6. Damn 'n blast... I can't think of one thing!


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