Monday, June 8, 2009

I See Great Wealth: Nose Tradamus


I know it isn’t wise to share entrepreneurial endeavours before they’ve been signed of or patented, but, fool that I am, I trust you guys. You’d never steal my ideas and my children’s birthright, right?

I slept over at my SIL’s house, and inadvertently (ok, ok, there was a large amount of gluhwein involved) used a pillow favoured by a dog living in the house. Woke up to the mother of all allergies, and luminous snot oozing from my head.

Went through two handkerchiefs in a matter of moments- so much so that my back pocket was damp from keeping them in there.

Later, as I loaded the washing machine, the brilliant idea came to me faster than you could say ‘atishoooo’. Faster than said luminous snot could fly out my nose- You may be interested to know that my hand-nose co-ordination is quite good, and only a little escaped.

Without further ado:
Green handkerchiefs. Why the heck do I buy white ones with a little blue border trim? Because those are the only ones I ever see. But green ones- they’d be much better at the art of concealment, and could be reused far more than standard white and blue ones. ‘S not rocket science: The nasal economy would prosper from having a hankie which would only have to be washed every third day.

I figure: If each person on the planet buys two, I’ll be a multi-billionaire within weeks, They’ll call me The Bogey Baron. The Mucus Millionaire. My children will go through life with ease, they’ll just follow the green bricked road to utopia. And you will be able to say… I knew him when…

Now, I just need to figure out a way of keeping my pockets dry.

13 comments:

  1. how bout a green hankie with the kind of lining they used for diapers? that way you can keep your pocket dry.
    man, allergies, suck about as much as they make us blow!

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  2. @sass: Ooh! Brilliant... Does this mean you are going to want a cut of my billions? And allergies do completely suck.

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  3. eeeewwww

    What is with you guys and the boogie situation?!?!

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  4. There is this guy in the US who has patented self cleaning undies - they are brown! Enough said!

    So this is indeed a sterling idea :)

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  5. Well, actually it is "rocket" science - ha, ha!

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  6. @brandy101: Ok, maybe too many snot-related posts. Time to wipe the slate clean.
    @Laura: Noooo! You reminded me that I haven't googled the idea. Too scared to, now. Rats. I bet that guy can't have too many friends.
    @Pamela: Jet-fueled :-)

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  7. How about you scrap hankies, and buy tissues instead, like the rest of the civilised world? Hankies are a completely revolting concept. Why would you possibly want to discharge copious amounts of luminous snot into one and then put it back in your pocket? Wars have been started over less ...
    Revolting, says I.

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  8. Totally agree, Sassy Miss P.

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  9. I thought this post had a bit of deja-vu-esque quality to it. I was right. Recycling posts is way cooler than recycling your mucous though.
    Just saying ;p

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  10. @SMP, @Janine: Ganging up? Not fair. Tissues, oddly, make me sneeze more, and are useless. I sneeze about four litres of snot out of my head at a time- tissues just shred and liquify. Also, they get forgotten in pockets, and bugger up all my clothes, which seem to be mainly black lately.
    What happens if some chick is crying, huh? Dude has to offer her a hankie. A clean hankie, not a green one. hahaha. I said 'chick'.
    You both do not understand what it is for us weaker types who get dreadful life-impairing allergies. *sniffs weakly*

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  11. @SMP: It's been a sneezy few weeks. Very fogged head means I forget what I post. After all, I don't go back and read myself, do I?

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  12. I think you're on to something but you've only got half the idea so far. You need to create a green hued camouflage pattern of snot and boogers.

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  13. @MDL: Hmm, I like the way you 'picked' up the subtle differences between snot and boogers. It proves you a connoisseur.

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