Friday, June 5, 2009

The OTHER Stages of Grief

  • Uhmming and aaahing about deleting the dead person’s number from your phonebook or contacts list. Because you really want a corpse to skype you?
  • Uncontrollable laughter: When you get together with family and laugh until you cry, sometimes even losing control of your bladder slightly.
  • Temporary alcohol abuse: And ANOTHER toast to the deceased, the hangover won’t matter- we’re aliiiive!
  • Rooting through CD/book collections- heck it isn’t like they need this stuff anymore, and, besides, they borrowed stuff and never returned it.
  • Trying to find suitable clothes to wear to the memorial service, knowing that you’ll forever think of them as ‘the death clothes’ and not be able to wear them.
  • Disappointment: The inheritance left to you was scarcely enough to cover the cost of the Death Clothes.
  • Amateur genetics: Wondering about the likelihood of you inheriting that one rogue gene which felled your relative.
  • Supermarket Syndrome: Isn’t that XXX squeezing the mangoes in the fresh produce aisle? Because all dead people love to hang around supermarkets.
  • Meteorology: Finding a patch of mountain/ocean where the wind is not blowing in such a way as to coat you with scattered ashes.
  • Mortal politeness: Realising that you are elbowing your way to the front of the family queue in terms of expiration eligibility, and really wanting someone else to go first.


There’s just something innately amusing about death. Birth? Sure, everybody treats it with the awe and mystique it deserves. Death- Well, you can’t take it too seriously, can you?


  1. I don't know hey.... I still have some dead people on my phone. Fuck I'm gonna be surprised when they phone!

  2. @Wenchy: Especially if they reverse the charges.

  3. The worst is when that dead person's partner starts using their phone...

  4. @Baldy:
    Scary thought.

  5. Our family usually has the most amazing "parties" after the funeral...


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