Friday, May 22, 2009

Exploring the World of the Nipular

It’s quite chilly here these days- you can never be sure how to dress. Get to work, do the onion thing, peel off the layers. The natural progression in thought is: Why do men have nipples?

The second thought is: Can the people opposite me see me trying to photograph mine?*

The third is: I hope those aren’t stored on the harddrive somewhere.

But really, why? I do recall sleepy babies in the summer months not opening their eyes, and trying to feed from me, but soon giving up.

I remember the more vindictive children at school twisting them as a ‘joke’. (I mean, not just mine, it was a phase they went through). Ha ha. Not.

I’m not a runner, but I’ve heard that male runners have to put tape over them to stop chafing.

I have watched bullies mock fat men about man-boobs.

I’ve seen them drawn on superhero costumes, and cast in bronze on the finest statuary. Lovingly painted in oils by Old Masters.

Yet no-one seems to know what they are for. Apparently, in the womb, by the time the male hormones kick in, the nipples are already formed. That sounds a bit like back-up-boobies to me.

It just comes as a surprise to notice them sometimes. There I am shaving my chin, and I’ll suddenly see them, just chilling in their nipply way. Hmm, I’ll think, there they are, my pointless nipples.

Given that there are people out there attracted to all sorts of deviancies, I have no doubt that there are individuals with some kind of male nipple thing going on, but I am not one.

They completely ruin a t-shirt on a cold day. Maybe there really could be a market for male stikinis- to smooth down unwanted erectile tissue? Anybody biting on that idea?

Didn’t think so.

I think it’s time we all got back on the bus and drove away from this part of the package tour to the body, wouldn’t you agree?

*Note: No nipple photographs will appear here, ever.


  1. There are two scriptures that make references I have never understood and wonder if perhaps there is a connection...It never would occur to me, but I just came across it again and wondered about it and then I read your post.

    "Carry them in thy bosom, as a nursing father beareth the sucking child,"

    "And kings shall be thy nursing fathers, and their queens thy nursing mothers:"

    Num 11:12 Have I conceived all this people? have I begotten them, that thou shouldest say unto me, Carry them in thy bosom, as a nursing father beareth the sucking child, unto the land which thou sworest unto their fathers?

    Isa 49:23 And kings shall be thy nursing fathers, and their queens thy nursing mothers: they shall bow down to thee with their face toward the earth, and lick up the dust of thy feet; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD: for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me.

    Also, I am having an awful time trying to get comments to post on yer blog using FF3. I can't preview them using Google Account or Name/Url and I can't paste anything. I tried in IE7 and it seems to work.

  2. @Herb: Whoaaa cool comment- the post wasn't worthy of such a deep response- thanks fro the effort. I'm looking into the comments issue. Very frustrating!

  3. Human zygotes are all female. You were a girl once. Deal with it :)

  4. @SMP: I have indeed been known to cry like a girl...


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