Saturday, May 23, 2009

You never know how it will turn out

Pleasant middle-aged evening: We’re at the stage when we no longer get invited to weddings (the next generation is waiting in the wings to do that), and few of our friends are giving birth (except, rather publically, Tertia) but quite a few are having their marriages implode, explode or just erode.

So we spent last night with three fifths of a family we used to be incredibly close to. It was still great- he’s a lovely guy to chat to, and his children get on with ours- they’ve grown up together.

We’re in the difficult position of not wanting to appear too partisan in our friendship- we are Switzerland, in a sense, although his wife pretty much left him for reasons we completely disagree with. It’s nasty when that happens- we have to renegotiate the friendships, and try not to act as intermediaries for any personal stuff.

There are a couple of situations like that happening around us, and it is depressing to watch these families sub-dividing, becoming single-parent structures. Knowing that their finances are going pear-shaped, and that they are also going through hell personally.

Before you think I’m acting incredibly proud, Neen and I have had our share of challenges. You get married saying pointless things like “Divorce is not an option”, and picture dying simultaneously while holding hands (polite way of putting it) at the age of 95. We’ve been through some crappy times, but we are committed to making it work, so I hope we manage to navigate our way through all the pressure and stress ahead.

I can’t imagine trying to break up the jigsaw that is our marriage, figure out which of us gets to take which pieces. They are all linked, and meaningless on their own.

As it is, most of our friends are virtual- so we’d have to divide our followers and blogrolls, add bypass links and password protected posts. Seems like too much work…

Making light of it: Broken relationships are dreadful, and I salute any of you who are single parents, divorced parents, or just newly single or divorced without children. Or married, and clocking in to a marriage which is difficult to define, as it revolves around tidying, parenting and work. The grass aint greener, I’m sure.

So: If you read this blog, and you fantasize that I have a perfect marriage, or that our children are like a feel-good TV commercial- it isn’t so, but we do have a good thing. We just need reminding sometimes.

(Neen- You are a great mother to the pitbulls, and a great wife to me, despite me challenging you, all the time… xxx)
(**Photo circa 1989- 20 years under our belts, hey, Neen!)


  1. has that tongue been photo-shopped?

  2. @totally cooked: It must have been the camera angle ;-)

  3. Sorry, I forgot which post I asked about grabbing your soup (that's what she said). It didn't slip through my fingers so I have it, thanks.

  4. @MDL: I'll consider our soup relationship consomme-ted. Hahahahahahahahaha. I crack myself up.

  5. You are very lucky. It does take work...and most of the time I am happy to do it. Congratulations on having a wonderful marriage and sticking through it. So many people just run away first change they get!

  6. @acidicice: I am, hey? It is wonderful, and it does take work, and immense patience from Neen. We're in it for the long haul, despite the occasional 'difference of opinion'. She's worth it.

  7. That worth a thousand words!

    It was my & hubby*s 12th anniversary yesterday...and we celebrated by him drinking too much of the champagne and us arguing about him drinking too much! LOL...that is life with two human beings - likely the most imperfect of all mammals.

  8. @brandy101: What is it about evnts like anniversaries and birthdays, New Year etc, that causes arguments. And some human beings are more imperfect than others (me, on anniversaries).

  9. I think Jerry Seinfeld put it best:

    Birthdays are relationship killers.

  10. A family splitting up is heartsore indeed, and more complicated than I can imagine!

  11. @brandy101: I hereby resolve not to have any more birthdays...
    @angel: I think people assume it's easy to do that, but I have yet to come across a family where a divorce and the results of it are happy.

  12. That tongue has certain Floyd-esque qualities. Just saying, is all.

  13. hey where'd my comment go?!
    Loved this post. Sounds like Neen and u r very happy after all these years. Well done!
    I think marriage is like one of those choose your own adventure novels. It's all the seemingly small decisions you make along the way that determine the conclusion. Every day choices, attitudes etc make or break a marriage.
    WOW that's deep :)

  14. @SMP: Floyd who???
    @Caz: I would never say that it has been endless bliss- I've made plenty of challenging decisions along the way- but Neen has stayed with me. Yup- it does take daily attention, and lots of apologies!

  15. Pink Floyd, silly. Bit slow even for an 80s kid ...


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