Friday, May 29, 2009

Good Clean Adult Fun

Good parents always try to find amusing things for their children to do, things not involving visits to emergency rooms. I know people with special annexes built onto their houses full of toys and crafts. I know them, but I don’t have the urge to emulate them.

We’re going to a wine farm on Saturday. Best place to take the children. They have a play area, so it’s ok. You can do almost any adult activity, and drag the children along, as long as there’s a crappy jungle gym, or a small fenced-off area with a depressed rabbit and a skittish goat. I should sell that idea to nightclubs and cocktail lounges.

Since becoming a father I’ve spent many early evenings grimacing in dreadful family restaurants with play areas. Grimacing as the children run around without their shoes(sorry, kid’s feet stink, too), and ignoring their food. Grimacing as they systematically break every promised answer to the veiled threat that they must be on their best behaviour…. Or else…

Which is why it’s always great to discover somewhere you can go and be an adult- you know- talk in moderated tones and make inappropriate jokes, somewhere with a place for the children to practice their torturously repetitive brand of sibling rivalry out of earshot.

When you have one reasonably compliant child you don’t mind dragging them everywhere, even though people are offering to babysit. When you have three energetic kids with the attention span of social networking addicts, those babysitting offers dry up, and you have to improvise. You can’t aim for a complete balance, because of all the variables involved:

Good Venue+2x Whining Children= 20% fun
Bad Venue+3x Reasonably Behaved Children= 20% fun
Expensive Venue+3x “Those Are YOUR Genes” Children= 100% hell
Cheap Venue+3x Perfect Angels= 100% heaven*

*This is just to taunt you: This last scenario does not exist outside of blogs belonging to pathological liars.
You can drive yourself mad trying to weigh up the best combinations, so I won’t bother. Tomorrow it’s going to be:

Wine+Who Cares About the Children?= Near Perfection.

I never claimed to be a good father, but wine helps.


  1. @thenocturnalwench: Good vote: family 1, social services 0.

  2. have fun!

    I am really lucky b/c outside of occasional whining during shopping trips, my kiddo is pretty great when we go places.

  3. Sincerely hope the weather plays along! Which farm are you off to?

  4. That last equation is all the math anyone will ever need.

    P.S.: I don't take my kids' shoes off in the play areas.

  5. @brandy101: We started out ok: James you could take anywhere. This decreased exponentially with Hannah and Jonah.
    @Michelle: Delheim- It's wintery, but apparently still ok to go there. I'm holding thumbs for a beeeeg log fire :-)
    @Briane P: It may not be logically sound in the pure mathematical sense, but otherwise irrefutable. Why are you wearing kid's shoes? You know what they say about men with small feet: They wear really small shoes.

  6. Delheim is lovely. Grab a bottle of their 1708 reserve and enjoy :)

  7. @SMP: It was! Shared a bottle of limited edition chardonnay, and a bottle of Merlot with a couple of friends over lunch, then grabbed a bottle of Muratie Port on the way out. Lalalalala!

  8. Hmm, Muratie Port is delish. Glad you had a good time :)


Say something! It can't be worse than what I have said. Note: Sometimes you have to press 'comment' twice. Stupid comments thingy.