Thursday, May 28, 2009

My other, better half

I am convinced I was once a conjoined twin. I have evidence. A scar, about the size needed to share a portion of liver and maybe a hemisphere of brain tissue is on my arm.

I’m just waiting for the medical archive records to be comprehensively available online: I’ll be there- Baby XYZ, and his sibling, ABC.

The scar is there, but also the emotional evidence. My mother always claimed that the middle child (I am allegedly the middle of three boys) misses out on things, herself being used as an example. So I got encouraged in all sorts of unhealthy activities. I’m sure these were to attempt to distract me from my sense of loss- where did my twin go?

She did tire of me approaching her with a magnifying glass to ask her to explain each blemish on my damaged flesh, and managed to hold the secret to the grave. My dad just has no idea, and would happily admit that he had seen me vacuumed up into the mother-ship to be probed nightly for two years, if he thought it would shut me up.

I think it’s time for the other guy to come forward. You’ve clearly taken more than your fair share of lung, judging by my excessive coughing, and you also took the part of my head where self-confidence and general joy live.

Are you out there? Imposter? A parallel me with opposite scars? Do you think it’s funny that my one leg is about .5mm shorter than the other? (I measure it daily, to remind myself of what I have lost). Did you get to become a famous explorer and heir to millions? Did you get to have a pet dog that wasn’t taken to the pound within three days and euthanized? Did you have to cannibalize me, did you?

I know you had no say in this, but now is your chance. You can come forward, hell, take over from me if you want. I’m tired. I need someone just like me, only better, to come and fill in for a while. Dear twin, please come. But stay the heck away from Neen. We may be ex-conjoined twins, but we’re not that close.


  1. Bet you would run like a girl if someone did step put of the woodwork ... conjoined twin, *snort*

  2. And aren't you supposed to be at work? Very productive day it seems :) xx

  3. @SMP: A) I actually have a very manly run, punctuated by the wheeze of a homicidal maniac in a hockey mask, and
    B) Maaaaaybe I'm at work, maaaaybe I'm not...

  4. One leg shorter than the other? Big whoop; I have one boob that is a 1/2 cup size bigger than the other; it makes bra shopping a bit difficult! ;)

  5. That's a frightening thought -- 'cause I was a middle kid for 10 years before my sister was born.

  6. Your one leg? You have one leg? And I've only just found out?

  7. @brandy101: The things you learn on the internet!
    @Briane P: Was she your twin? That's a looooong labour. Must have been before medical technology was advanced.
    @Janine: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! Stupid anti-biotics! Can't belive I did one of those schoolboy howlers. *hops away in shame*


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