Monday, May 11, 2009

Not a poem by the anagrammatical Toilets.

Anyone know how to sex a kitten? Always wanted to say that in polite company. Sex, sex, sex.

We just acquired the last of Sister-in-laws brood (not her personal brood, but one of her cats- no unmarried-woman-with-cats comments here, hey Bee?)

I forced the children to accept a name other than ‘Brownie’, which is an entirely suitable name for a little girl selling cookies, but not a noble feline. So. Heshe has a name- a good name for a transvestite torch singer: Dizzy.

It’s almost impossible to know whether or not she’s male or female: She doesn’t yet have a hankering for body products or Grey’s Anatomy, nor does he like to make crude jokes about farts at family gatherings. At the moment, heshe likes to cower behind furniture and appliances, making a sound like heshe has just been sat on.

Can’t say I’m ready for this: With a goldfish or a rat (our previous forays into animal keeping), the commitment was temporal. (In the case of fish, it was temporal to the point of lasting less time than it takes for an avocado to go soft). Cats can live for years, and happily shred the furniture and the lining of your nose. Already I have allergies to the point of coughing bloody phlegm, which is nice.

So. Any advice would be good. Guess I’ll be staring at her/his nether regions trying to look for fleshy nubbins of one sort or another. I suspect she is a she: She loves to curl up on the couch and give me a fiendish look: ‘You loooooose, sucker’, and I’m convinced she meowed that she couldn’t possibly have another portion of amusing fish-shaped biscuits, and she is definitely anti-photos.


  1. Am I the only person who read this and thought of replacement words for "kitten"? I mean, the word "sex" was mentioned a coupla times....

    Anyhoo. I have no assvice, I just wanted to say hi.

    Sooooo, um, HI!

    How ya doooooing?

  2. @SheBee; I thought I displayed a remarkable sense of restraint, here....
    Thanks for the 'hi'. Right back at ya.
    I'm very well, thank you, I said in the politest fashion!

  3. Males develop fairly obvious knackers just below their backside. Females don't.
    It s difficult sometimes- as I can attest to after having taken my precious Magic to be spayed, and being told "she" had been neutered because "she" was actually a "he".

  4. @Angel: Great sentence and observation, thanks! But either way: the organ's gonna get mutilated.

  5. My friend had a kitten that was SEXed as a boy cat, so we referred to him as "he" or "Nico".
    When she returned to pick up her freshly neutered kitty, she looked at the bill and saw a fee for spaying.
    Ends up little Nico was a little girl, with the vet thinking that the "junk" hadn't dropped yet.

    How about a nice either-gender name?

  6. @stopbouncing: Maybe indeterminate gender isn't such a bad deal. The kitten's name is Dizzy, which works, I hope, for both sexes.


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