Sunday, March 22, 2009

Mass Graves Leave a Sour Taste

Here are some thoughts about citrus fruits. Sit back, grab something with a dimpled skin (Noooo not your wife! Are you mad?) And relax.
If I was a lime, I’d be quite peeved. I’m a fresh green colour, and rather sweet, so why do they call it ‘lime-washing’ when they paint something white?
And why, for the love of Mike*, do they call it Liming, when they pour white crap into a mass grave after some terrible genocidal atrocity? The only thing that cheers me up is that English people are rarely called ‘limeys’ anymore. Rant over.

And lemons. Why is a really crappy car called a ‘lemon’? Huh? Why not a quince, or a kiwi fruit? I happen to be sweeter than the other citrus fruits, and without me, the tequila industry would experience a serious swan-dive, as tequila tastes, let’s be honest, like toes. Before I leave you with a sour taste, let’s just all ponder on the use of lemon in cleaning agents. Why not avocado? Do lemons really smell clean?

This was supposed to be a theme, but I’m running out of citrus material. Go figure. So I’ll leave you with two thoughts, unattributed- but not mine.
There isn’t a word in the English dictionary which rhymes with orange. So all you poets with a muse stirring you to citrus-poetry, be warned.
Knock-knock… Who’s there? Orange... Orange who? Orange you glad to see me? Hahahahahahahahahha
Sorry. Love talking bad jokes with my nine year old.
*no idea who Mike is, but he is very, very loved.


  1. That reminds me of the term "pining away" for something, sad and tearful and stuff. The association makes no real sense to me - I'm in Canada and our pines don't seem all that depressed to me!

  2. I live for metaphors! mixed, meaningless and otherwise.

  3. My mom's name is Pining. Pronounced peh-NEENG, but it still bothers me when I see "pining away".

    And I'm a grapefruit girl myself, feeling a little neglected by this entry, but that's okay. Really, I'm fine.

  4. @Abby- All pining references hereby revoked. Grapefruit is an odd addition. When I eat it, I have to add.... sugar, to kill the taste. But it is very healthy, so I'm told. One day, I'll address your grapefruit issues.

  5. Don't you add sugar to everything, though?

    Which do you think smells cleaner-- pine, or orange? I think pine is for old-fashioned clean. Nobody uses "Pine-Sol" anymore.

    All our cleansers have orange scent, now. Not that I can tell, because the squirters are disabled, apparently as a safety precaution against ever cleaning the counters.

    Anyway, if we start calling bad cars "kiwis," won't New Zealanders be offended? And, more importantly, will we care if New Zealanders are offended?

  6. I combined the two, now I just rub a lemon on the countertops, a grpefruit inside the toilet cistern and oranges everywhere else. Cleanest smelling house on the block.And no, Briane, we don't.
    Pine-sol? Sounds like a very strong detergent, good for scouring out bloodstains, and making the room as fresh as a Norwegian Wood.

  7. I use Pine Sol on my floors and lemon Dawn for my dishes, lavender for my laundry - my home is a plethora of odd smells, add to that my never ending pot of Folgers medium roast - it smells like a Grandmas place here!

  8. You're provokin' me, B, I feel a post coming on...
    My house smells. Youngest son doesn't do one or two poos a day, but has a problem poor kid, so poos allllll day. Fortunately the flies distract me from the smell. Supper time it smells of garlic, sugar and poo.

  9. Bee's was the first South African blog I read, and only the second or third blog I ever read. That was in 2005 and I've been reading her ever since!

  10. When it comes to cleaning I'll take limes - with sugar and cachaca. That'll really clean your clock every time.


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