Sometimes I wish that I had better control over my mind. That I could steel my brain to thinking what I damn-well wanted it to think. That I could deal with loss, hurt, challenges, fears, insecurities by closing my eyes and thinking very hard. Or emptying my head- Isn’t that what metaphysicians do? But I can’t. I’m just a regular guy, perhaps a little bit more neurotic and melodramatic than most, who crumbles like a meringue at the first sign of emotional threat. In a perfect world, I’d be cowboy hero- a man whose inscrutable level-headed stare is carved out of volcanic rock, who can pose in noble outline at the top of the trenches as the bullets fly. A man who doesn’t mix his metaphors.
There is nothing quite as soul-destroying as hearing yourself say something you never thought you would say, or doing something of which you would have claimed to be incapable.
But, for all that, it is possible to find solutions. Sure, Uri Gellar can bend a spoon with the powers of his freakish brain, but so what? I can unbend it with my very normal hands. All I have to do
is want to.
There is nothing quite as soul-destroying as hearing yourself say something you never thought you would say, or doing something of which you would have claimed to be incapable.
But, for all that, it is possible to find solutions. Sure, Uri Gellar can bend a spoon with the powers of his freakish brain, but so what? I can unbend it with my very normal hands. All I have to do
is want to.
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This is an incredibly insightful and provocative post, I just stumbled across you but your writing and thoughts are wonderful.
ReplyDeleteWow! Thanks for the lovely comment!
ReplyDeleteI still can't claim to be a deep person, though!