Sunday, March 29, 2009

What she needs is a burlap sack and a low bridge over a fast-running river

Because chaos isn’t chaos without random additions or subtractions: Sister-in-law’s cats had some kittens. Bee’s cats are prolific breeders, despite us begging her to take them to have their genitalia mutilated. They breed like rabbits, only cattier. So every six months, Bee’s friends avoid her like the plague, as she desperately attempts to hand out free kittens. (For most of Bee’s friends, if she was handing out free wine, it would be a totally different story- they’d be on her like a rash).

I spent the night at the maternity hospital/ Bee’s house last night with my three children. The children kept darting through to the garage to look at the kittens- tiny quivery things- very mushy-poster pretty, being only five weeks old.

Naturally, the talk soon turned to I want one daddy- we’ve avoided it before, pleading allergies. Ok, I’ll have to discuss it with Mom, I foolishly declared. So later, skyping their mother, (Neen: absent mom- on a business trip for ten weeks), as all functioning families do, I asked her what she thought, and she must be really missing the children, or picturing their joyful faces (the joy that fades beyond the first appearance of kitten stool)- she jumped at the idea.

She asked me about their colours, whether the children were sneezing, and of course, how old they are.

Nine, six, and nearly three, I said.

Poor guilt-ridden Neen is an easy target. I apologized.


  1. We had to give our kitty to my best friend. My poor kitty was a bit dumb from a kittenhood illness and he grew in his body but not in his mind, he was too rough with my small boy, sad but still - he's now in the home of a crazy cat lover who simply adores playing rough. Kitties are good for kids though, I learned so much from mine when I was small.

  2. Hannah actually wanted a puppy- I've been stalling her- too much time commitment, but a cat is maaaaybe a better idea- off they go, walking by themselves...
    They are good for children...

  3. That was LOW!! But funny lol!!

  4. Hehehe. You're getting a cat - hahaha. Burlap sack - harumph. And hey I DO sometimes hand out free wine. Lalala

  5. @supermom: I think she took it in the spirit with which it was intended....
    I really, really hope so!
    @Bee: One free kitten with every bottle shared. Yay! You owe me several kittens.

  6. I busted out laughing at your answer. You are a role model to Anonymous Husbands everywhere.

  7. @ Briane: And neen is a role model to tolerant wives everywhere...

  8. Great post, thanks, I just snorted bottled water through my nose at those last two lines. Don't drink water and read your blog at the same time is the learning. Great way to end a crappy day :)

  9. A kitten would cheer you up, too! I make it a policy never to drink water- it upsets my delicate blood-alcohol levels.


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