Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Prince and the Pee

I won’t tell you too much, as the ability to think is still eluding me.
Remember the Princess and the Pea? Well, I am obviously not a princess, and we’ve had a pea-related post this week, so I’ll have to go with artistic license:
Prince Jonah, the youngest in my torrid dynasty, is breaking with the habit of sleeping in his own bed. He’s in nappies. He drinks formula.

Every night I am awakened by his pattering feet. He jumps into my bed, and then within five minutes, manages to coat the entire bed and himself with toddler urine (just as smelly and offensive as the urine in the charming urinal at Cape Town Station). Why do some urinals curve towards you? Why? I won’t say something terribly misogynistic like they were probably designed by a woman, but that splashback is really naaaaaaasty. And why do some public loos place the urinals in front of the door, so that every time someone comes in, your urinary habits are flashed to the world? And why do some people only zip up AFTER they have exited the toilet?

Where was I?
Oh, yeah, there is something soul-destroying about being weed on every night- like being marked as a possession or something. Washing those duvet covers and sheets is just not fun anymore. And this is only the first change- he wants more bottles, and more, and more. In my more paranoid moments, I suspect I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since 1999, when the firstborn clambered onto my now ruined mattress.
39 days to go!


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