Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Somehow we go from cabins to barbed peni. Don't ask.




WARNING TO SMALL LIONS: LION SEX HERE!


For me, the best book ever is always the one I am reading. I’m currently reading A Place of My Own, by Michael Pollan.
Precis: Guy with midlife crisis builds cabin in woods to escape reality.

There’s a lot of quoting various philosophical streams of thought, he practically makes verbal love to Henry David Thoreau, but mostly it is about a guy channeling his primal scream into nailing cedar shingles onto a purpose-built cabin. While his wife gives birth to their first-born.

Men should be more like peacocks: Show up once a year, flash your colourful butt, and off you go, squawking into the distance.

Or lions. All you have to do is do some leonine porn whenever the NatGeo camera crew is around, otherwise, you pretty much chill. (Aside: In the Lion King series, when Simba’s father dies, and he eventually becomes king, does that mean his mother, Sarabi, becomes part of his harem? And why does he appear to be a perfect dad, when male lions seem to enjoy infanticide more than should be socially acceptable?)

It takes dedication to be a man: Could Gloria Steinem spend two years building a structure in the woods solely for the purpose of scratching her butt? Could Germaine Greer turn a couch into a mini-habitat, with all life’s comforts within arm’s reach?

Next time the children beg to see the Lion King, I’ll put on a NatGeo DVD instead- reveal the full, uncensored nature of lions. (Ok, maybe slightly censored- they always talk about the male lions having a barbed penis which is difficult to extract. I mean. Do I need to be THAT educated?)

In the meantime, I’ll be out in the woods, with a hand-axe and a mouth full ‘o chaw, thinkin’ about soft furnishings and window treatments for my rough, hand-hewn cabin.

10 comments:

  1. You're going to get all sorts of traffic with those tags friend. Try adding "barbed penis" and watch that counter burn :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is my favorite barbed penis post of the day. I don't really have a comment other than both of today's posts have been intriguing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Lion King is my favourite animated film of all time, even now, and I'm 33. I cried like a baby when Simba's papa died and I still do whenever its playing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @MDL: I thought you'd be despairing the lack of kittens. And I hesitate at your mention of the 'best barbed penis post'. Either I have a blog soulmate out there who thinks like me, or you've been going to dark places...
    @Sam: It isn't Simba's fault, you know. I still laugh at Timon and Pumba. Completely wothless for natural history references, but a great movie.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't think Gloria Steinem would want to build anything in the woods - LOL. Yup, it does take dedication to be a man. Watch those nails! Don't want you to hit your paws.

    ReplyDelete
  6. @ilongga70: If a fish is riding a bicycle in the woods, and a tree falls on it, can anyone hear it?

    ReplyDelete
  7. I may need a cabin. Do you know a wood?

    ReplyDelete
  8. So you're off to build cabin then?

    ReplyDelete
  9. @NW: Just newlands forest, or a trompe loeil on the vibacrete in my back yard...
    @Angel: Nope: Plenty of cabin fever already.

    ReplyDelete

Say something! It can't be worse than what I have said. Note: Sometimes you have to press 'comment' twice. Stupid comments thingy.